verbal Abuse
Verbal Abuse:
Verbal abuse is a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim. Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual. Wikipedia
I read an Article on line where Melissa Barsotti; a licensed clinical Social Worker from California said, “Verbal abuse is meant to belittle, humiliate, and psychologically harm an individual,”. She goes on to say it’s often manifested in a derogatory language, by the use of curse words or a harsh tone.
As I read I was like wow she couldn’t be more right because that’s how I experienced verbal abuse at the tender age of 11. I would even go as far as to say it’s a generational curse because the majority of adults that talk to kids that way was talked to that way by their parents or other adults. Not truly understanding the damage it can do to a vulnerable child.
To be belittled and talk down to that way, by the person who is suppose to build you up and speak life into you can leave a child feeling Worthless or Unloved. Atleast that’s how I grew up feeling. I felt as if I couldn’t do anything right. I remember when I first attempted suicide it was right after I had gotten in trouble for half making up my bed. I remember being told I could never do anything right, that I never listen and that I shouldn’t have to be told over and over the same thing that I must be dumb or stupid cause how hard is it to do what your told. To some of you reading that might be nothing but if a child is told that over and over again they start to believe it. The way I comprehended that at 11 years old is why am I here. I can’t do anything right every time I try it’s wrong. So that Friday evening I went in the bathroom and found some pills (I think they may have been aspirin now that I look back on it) and I took them and laid down in hopes of never waking up again. Right after taking them I remember staring in the bathroom Mirror looking at myself feeling Worthless and Unwanted.
Later that night I awaken sick to my stomach throwing up. I now know that was a “But God” moment. God had other plans. I attempted to kill myself 4 other times before 13. Always with pills always throwing up. Again “But God”. The Summer before my 13th bday I would find what I thought was Love in a boy, a boy whom I thought loved me he became my outlet. He made me feel pretty, love and wanted of course I was told he wanted something in return but he would be the reason the Verbal Abuse I was already dealing with escalated to Physical Abuse. I was now being told he didn’t want me he only wanted one thing from me because I only had one thing to offer. There is NOTHING a 12 year old should have to offer anyone. Let me say that, because that statement triggered back to what a grown man wanted from me when I was 5. It was that day something broke in me and became the day that my suicide attempts turned from pills to me playing with Single Edged Razor Blades. imma stop right here ladies gotta get myself together on this one I’ll attempt to finish or write more later……… but I’m going to leave you all with this because of the verbal abuse I suffered I made it a point to “NEVER” talk down to or curse my children. My kids are both adults now 32 and 25 and I’ve NEVER cursed them when disciplining them. My kids have always had a voice that I listened too and one thing they KNOW and have ALWAYS KNOWN is their Mom loves them and they mean Everything to me as Well as my Grands. Generational Curse Broken.