molestation

Mo·les·ta·tion

/ˌmōˌleˈstāSH(ə)n,ˌmōləˈstāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. sexual assault or abuse of a person, especially a child.

My Healing Journey starts with molestation and although I was not penetrated I had things done to me that mentally scared me one of the many spots my husband has had to love away. It’s actually the first abuse I suffered from a distant cousin whom was trusted to live in our home while separated from his wife.

I’ll never forget the first time it happened and to this day I still remember the feeling of fear that overcame me. I remember feeling shame and powerless.

It’s crazy how the first thing they tell you after they’ve violated you is if you tell someone especially a parent that your parent is going to be mad at you or that if you tell that person will be hurt. If I’m a victim the one whose being violated how does it become my fault. This has been painful because it’s the first and only memory I have of when I was 5 years old.

To be molested whether physically or orally it is NOT YOUR FAULT you are/were the Victim. You did nothing to entice them, lead them on or to Deserve it. If you are reading this and were Molested tell yourself “IT WASNT MY FAULT, I WAS VIOLATED, I WAS THE VICTIM, I DIDNT DESERVE THAT.

It wasn’t until I was married that I realized the damaged done to me.

This is kind of intimate::: so remember I’m releasing to heal.

But I could not take my husband being on top of me touching or holding me. It gave me anxiety because when a man lay on top of me I felt over powered, pressed down helpless but mostly fearful. I remember my husband trying to hold me that way and I began to feel as if I couldn’t breathe and I began to cry. My husband had no idea what was wrong and for years he had to be patient with me (and he was) until I told him why. I think it was at the moment at 33 yrs old that fear was broken off me when I released it and allowed my husband to love that off me.

Ephesians: 5:25-30 tells how a husband should love a woman as if she’s his body and how he is to present her as holy just as Christ presents the church. The church as many imperfections because it’s built up of imperfect people but Christ’s love for it cleanses it and purifies it. Which is what a husband is supposed to do for his wife. He’s suppose to love away Every spot, wrinkle or blemish. Ladies your spots, wrinkle and blemishes are those things that have happened to you the makes you feel shame, unworthy, hurt, ugly etc. they are often the things that hides our internal beauty that we try to cover externally with make up. For those of you that are married allow your husband to love those things away. For those of you that are not married allow Christ to love it off you.